Pieces Of The Puzzle
by EraSwap
Summary: A puzzle has many pieces. A story has many sides. When Shikamaru returns from a mission missing a limb, she can't help but feel reponsible. Afterall, the only diffrerence in the story was her. Consumed by guilt, she falls into a downward spiral.


_'Shikamaru's been injured. He's in a critical state.'_

Those were the words that sent her into a panic.

 _'We had to amputate his leg.'_

That was the sentence that stopped her heart.

She'd never been close to Shikamaru. They were classmates, ones who occasionally nodded hello to each other. Just two passing strangers in each other's lives.

But after that day, Shikamaru became her world. Her sole purpose. Because the feeling refused to leave her. The crippling guilt.

 ** _herfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfault-_**

Because Shikamaru never lost a leg in the story. In the story that didn't house her, he lived the rest of his life with all his limbs. The only thing that changed was her being here. That was it.

So it wasn't the biggest leap to realise this was her fault.

 ** _whathadshedonewhathadshedonewhathadshedonewha-_**

So she sat by his bedside. No one questioned her, not to begin with. They were both classmates after all. The others had come as well. But the others had left too. She hadn't.

She remained by his side until visiting hours were over. Then she'd drag her guilt warped self-back to her apartment and wallow in her grief. She'd done this.

 ** _poorshikamarupoorshikamarupoorshikamarupoorshi-_**

When Ino asked her why she came every day, Yuri shrugged and said she didn't have any missions. This was a lie. She was refusing them. She hadn't stepped foot in the Hokage tower in a month. Lady Tsunade was probably furious.

Choji sometimes shot her questioning looks from his own permanent position at Shikamaru's side. But he never pushed her for answers. He wasn't against the company. Sometimes they'd talk. Food; weather, Friends.

Other times they sat in silence. Watching the black-haired boy as he lay unconscious-

 ** _Becauseofherbecauseofherbecauseofherbeca-_**

on the hospital bed.

Shikamaru's parents talked to her the most. They asked about herself, her parents and siblings came up. She answered most of their questions truthfully. Just not the one.

 _'Were you and Shikamaru close?'_

 _No_ , she couldn't say. They weren't close. She had spoken to him four times. In her seventeen years. Nothing to justify her obsessive post beside him.

It was during his sons second month in a coma that Shikaku sat across from her. He set down a board and placed pieces on to it.

 _'Shogi?_ ' he asked casually. _'To pass the time.'_

They played every time he visited. Which was less than she did. Because she was always there.

She almost became a fixture of the room itself. It somehow became Shikamaru and Yuri, whenever someone would talk of visiting him. Because she was always there. Beside the boy, always with a book in hand. Researching.

If they glanced at the cover they would see she was looking up prosthetics. Or rather how to make them. Puppets, is the closest this world had. Once a ninja lost a limb their career was over. That was the general consensus.

She didn't like that. In her world people without limbs were capable of surpassing those with them. ' _Perhaps_ ' she would think to herself _'Perhaps there was a way for her to make this better'_

It took three months for the Hokage to come looking for her personally. She didn't realise she had lost weight till the irritated and worried leader pointed it out.

 _'Are you staving yourself?"_

She wasn't sure if she was. _Maybe_? Sometimes she forgot to eat. When the guilt got too strong the thought of food was repulsive. Maybe some part of her wished if she stopped eating she would stop existing all together.

Tsunade wanted her to return to active duty. She refused. She had to stay beside Shikamaru. She had to create a better future for him.

 _'He doesn't have a future as a shinobi,"_

She disagreed with Tsunade. She told her he did. That he would be just as effective now as he had then. Tsunade was shocked. But she was willing to listen. If only to appease the hysterical girl.

When she put forward the idea for the prosthetic she wasn't denied. But the Hokage voiced her doubts.

 _'Maybe this would work for a civilian lifestyle, but as a shinobi...'_

Yuri felt her hopes dash. She was right. Maybe Shikamaru could walk now, but to be a shinobi would be impossible.

She'd failed him. _Again_.

 _'Can I take a look?'_

Shikaku had returned. The Shogi board nowhere to be seen. He watched her intensely, gaze drifting to the paper. The one that held her prosthetic designs.

How did he know?

 _'Lady Tsunade told me about your suggestion. She said it would help Shikamaru walk again.'_

But he'd never be a shinobi, she replied. Lifeless. That was the only word for her. Her slow descent into misery continuing.

 _'Can I?'_

He had asked again. She shrugged. He could do what he liked. It made no difference. _She'd failed._

 ** _Herfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaulther-_**

Five months had passed with the boy in a coma, and his birthday was soon approaching. Would his eighteenth birthday come and go whilst he was like this. She prayed he'd wake.

Then she changed her mind and prayed he wouldn't. What kind of life was there for him to wake up to?

She didn't know if it was her prayers, but he did awaken. A week before he would turn eighteen. She was the only one in the room when he woke. Absorbed in her book, detailing Chakra networks, she didn't notice him rise.

 _'Yuri-San? '_

His voice was hoarse. Barely a whisper. But she heard it. She jumped then, dropping her book in the process. He was awake, sitting slightly up and watching her in bleary-eyed confusion. They watched each other for a moment longer, both shocked at the others presence.

Then he coughed. A harsh sound drawing her from her stillness. ' _Water_ ' she thought grabbing the empty glass and filling it generously.

He thanked her when she handed it to him. She wished he didn't, he shouldn't be grateful to her. This was all her fault.

 ** _herfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaultherfaulther_**

Once he'd drunk some water she helped him set the glass back down. Shifting the pillow behind him to provide better support.

He seemed perturbed by her presence but didn't decline her help. His eyes taking in his surrounding with their usual shrewdness.

 _'What happened?'_

She halted from where she had bent to pick her Chakra book up. _'I ruined your life',_ she wanted to say. _'Because of me you'll never be a shinobi again.'_

Instead she placed the book under her arm and smiled lightly at him. A false smile.

 _'I'll call the nurse for you,"_

With that she left, feeling his eyes follow her the whole way to the door. She hoped those quick eyes didn't catch the way her hands shook as she walked into the hallway.

When they discovered he was awake many flooded to see him. Coming more in hordes than small groups. His parents were by his side, along with his teammates. She didn't go back into the room.

Sometimes she'd make it to his hallway and then return. Other times she couldn't even enter the hospital. What right did she have to be in his presence?

She was in the hallway the night he broke down over his leg. He had taken it well when he had woken. Perhaps the shock of seeing someone he barely spoke to in his hospital room had distracted him. Then, with all the visitors, he had been further distracted.

When he was finally alone, he had cried. Quiet heart wrenching sobs that just about reached her ears. Her own eyes blurred to match his agony.

 _'I'm sorry'_

She whispered to the empty hallway.

 _'I'm so sorry'_

When he had been awake for three days without her visiting once, people began to ask questions. _'Shikamaru and Yuri,'_ they would say. _'Why wasn't she here now he was awake?'_

She hoped they wouldn't tell him about that. It would be better if he didn't know after all. All she could do was shrug and say she would come soon.

Ino knocked on her door two days later, two days after she said she would visit and hadn't.

' _It's his birthday today,'_

Ino looked expectant. She wasn't going to leave until she got what she wanted. Ino always got what she wanted.

 _'He says he wants to see you."_

That made her entire world collapse around her. _He wanted to see her? Why?_

Before she could refuse, the blonde had her wrist in a death grip. Yuri could only sigh and slip on her shoes.

 _Ino always got what she wanted._

Shikamaru was frowning at something his father had said when they entered. The occupants of the room watched as Ino paraded Yuri like as prize.

 _'I got her.'_

Shikamaru shot her an apologetic look, turning to his female teammate in exasperation.

 _'I told you to ask her, not drag her here against her will.'_

The blonde bristled and began to argue with her teammate. Yuri used that as a chance to slip out of Ino's hold. Shikaku greeted her from one of the seats beside the bed.

She nodded back, before awkwardly standing in the familiar room, feeling lost. Shikaku gestured towards her usual perch. The worn chair she had sat in for the past five months.

She turned to it nervously. Taking a seat and finding it difficult to get comfortable.

Ino had left. In a huff, mumbling about ungrateful teammates. There was no real heat behind her words. They were all too glad he was finally awake. Yuri looked up to find Shikamaru's gaze on her.

 _'I'm glad you came,'_

His smile was genuine. He truly was happy to see her. _'He shouldn't be,'_ her bitter voice responded. He shouldn't be happy to see her after what she did to him.

Instead she smiles back, uncertainly. Shikamaru noticed, so did his father. But they both said nothing. Shikaku was the next to speak, he lifted a familiar parchment for her to see.

The prosthetic design.

 _'I added a few adjustments. I hope you don't mind'_

She took the paper he handed to her and noted his scrawled writing over her own small text. He'd improved it, she realised. He'd made it so it was combat suitable.

She couldn't contain her excitement.

 _'Then this means-'_

She didn't want to finish her sentence, in fear that perhaps she was wrong. But Shikamaru smiled at her encouragingly.

 _'I can be a shinobi,'_

The smile that filled her face would have given Naruto himself a run for his money. It was the first true smile she'd given since the day she heard the news.

' _And it's all thanks to you.'_

With that the smile died.

 _Wrong_ , her brain screamed. I did nothing worth thanking. She couldn't be here any longer, she couldn't handle Shikamaru's grateful eyes. _They burned her._

She stood, ignoring their confused questions, and made for the door. She'd given him the prosthetic, now all she could do was silently ask for forgiveness. Every day for the rest of her life. Whilst staying out of his way.

Because he deserved better. He was supposed to have better, before she came and destroyed it all.

She wouldn't come back again, she promised herself. That was the least she could do for the boy whose life she had single handily ruined.


End file.
